When I was struggling with migraines in July, I was awake one night with my head pounding. I couldn’t sleep, couldn’t read, couldn’t watch anything, and couldn’t do anything. I was on the couch, sitting up with my hands pressed against my head as it seemed to help the pain. I was also stressing about going into the field, wondering if I was ready for it this time. During my worrying, the Lord interrupted me and gave me several images of some of my favorite places I’ve been on SROM courses—places that are beautiful and filled with His glory. Places that I have almost experienced the entire area vibrate in praise to Him alone. In that moment on the couch, he spoke to my heart, showing me that every time I go into the wilderness it is because he calls me there. It has nothing to do with my ability to teach, keep people safe, bring “anointed messages”, or make friends with students. All of these things happen on a course, but He showed me that firstly I go to the wilderness because HE CALLS ME THERE. That is the only reason that I need. Being obedient to Him is first and foremost. Hearing His voice over me is primary. I have to hear His voice in order to then be present for students, and enter in to what He has planned for me with those students for that time.
In some ways it is a sacrifice to go into the field with students. Most people would think that I mean the lack of fresh food, a bed, or taking showers. For me those things are not really sacrifices. The sacrifice for me is that I don’t see my husband during that time, and I can’t really do much gardening over the summer because I am in and out so much. Despite these sacrifices, I still think it is more than worth it. Every time that I go and I meet with students and dwell with them, I am at peace. In many ways, it feels like what I was made for. This doesn’t mean that I am the strongest hiker or best climber or most eloquent teacher. In fact I am none of those things. (I joke that I am not super athletic, or extremely knowledgeable, but I have the ability to suffer well and my God calls me here.) I am at peace because I am doing what the Lord has called me to do. I am at peace because I am there to dwell with my students.
I went to a short teaching given by Brett Costigan, a church leader from Fort Collins who is moving soon to help plant a church in Kansas City. We were talking of the word ‘dwell’ in the context of building relationships. I love that the word dwell means reside or inhabit, but it also can mean to “linger on or ponder.” While on course I literally dwell with my students in a shelter in the wilderness, but I also dwell with them in their personhood. I dwell with them exactly where they are in order to build kingdom relationship.
To dwell with someone is not something quick and easy. It takes time, courage, and intentionality, but these students carry a story, and that story matters. As a created child of God, their story is valuable, and I am there to listen and hear what God would say about their story. Where is the kingdom in their story, and where does kingdom need to come? Many of our students have never been a part of authentic community and I am there to be a part of giving them a taste of it. (When I say authentic community I mean community as the Lord intended—community that is kingdom-oriented towards giving God glory, loving each other, practicing forgiveness & reconciliation, and aiming to shine light towards all people everywhere.)
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