I was told a
long time ago that running wasn’t a good long-term sport/activity for me
because of my knees. Because of that I’ve never been much of a runner, and
anything longer distance was never in the realm of possibility.
However, through persuasion from my friend Daria, and helpful insights
regarding my knee from my friend Brittany (who is a physical therapy
assistant), I have decided to train for a half-marathon.
I am staunch
anti-morning when it comes to almost anything, coffee being an exception. Exercise
in the morning literally feels insurmountable. As such, I have been trying to
train in the evening. However, one fateful Wednesday several weeks ago the
universe and schedules aligned such that a morning run was due. My alarm went
off… for about 20 minutes… when I had concluded that this simply wasn’t going
to happen. (At this point, I was so late…). Sometime in there Tim grumbled to
me, “Well, are you going?” And somehow in the grumpiness and the fog, a thought
came to me, “Something is better than nothing.”
It’s true
that I didn’t have enough time for my run, a core workout, and my knee
exercises. However, I did have time to get part of that done. For some
reason that thought, “Something is better than nothing” motivated me to get out
of bed (truly extraordinary).
The thought has
also begun translating to other parts of my life, and I believe that the Lord
is trying to break off my perfectionism. I am so often such a perfectionist
that it paralyzes me: “If I can’t do it right, why do it at all?” It's embarrassing to admit how much this can bleed
into my entire life. I won’t buy running shorts, because I’m afraid I’ll make a
poor decision or not get the best deal. I won’t write that card to a friend
because I don’t have time to come up with the perfect words. I won’t open my
devotional because I’m not sure if the Lord is really leading me to that
devotional. Would He rather I just pray with Him?
My mind
understands that this attitude is obviously not helpful—shorts that aren’t the
best deal are still better than no shorts at all. I can also logically tell you
that this brings no glory to the Father (It brings worry instead of peace, it
keeps me from sharing love with others, it keeps me from pursuing Him, etc.). I
also experientially know the release that comes when I give it all up to Him
and His peace washes over me. But in my daily rhythms of life and my daily rhythms
of being—getting things right often
takes precedence. I’m a perfectionist even when I don’t want to be! I’m
reminded of the verses in Romans, “The thing that I don’t want to do, I do. The
thing that I want to do, I don’t.” (Rom 7:15 paraphrase).
So, again, I
come back to the thought, “Something is better than nothing.” At least for now,
when I catch myself getting in the unhealthy perfectionist cycle, it’s a mantra
I can repeat to myself. It’s better to write SOMETHING to that friend, even if
I stumble over my words. It’s better to open up my Bible even if I don’t have
time to read the whole chapter. It’s better that I do SOME running/training.
And as the days pass and I continue to be faithful with what I can do and what
I can give, the impacts become apparent: a friendship better cultivated (more joy,
more connection, etc.), a run that’s a little bit easier, and greater peace in
my heart and soul from that time I spent with Him.
*As an ironic side note, I really want to sit here and edit this and perhaps add a little. But I'm not going to...I'm going to post it.
**Matthew 5:48 does state, "You therefore must be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect." I just want to say for the record, that I don't think Jesus is talking about picking out the perfect pair of shorts. This is at the end of some of the most well-known scripture, the Sermon on the Mount. To quote a commentary, if someone followed the guidance in these passages s/he would:
- Never hate, slander or speak evil of another person
- Never lust in his heart or mind, and not covet anything
- Never make a false oath, and always be completely truthful
- Let God defend his/her personal rights, and not take it upon him/herself to defend those rights
- Always love his/her neighbors, and even his/her enemies
Sounds pretty great to me.. pretty perfect, really.
