Birds & Trees

In worship with my church not too long ago, I found myself asking God, "What am I against so much darkness? What are we (the Church) against so much darkness?" He led me to the passage in Matthew about the kingdom being like  a mustard seed, which grows to be a large tree where many birds come to make their nest. (Paraphrase by yours truly.)

This didn't completely solve my feelings of sadness, but it did make me look around the room at my church family in a couple of different ways. First of all, I get to be in community with some pretty fantastic people. Over time, we have grown to be like family. None of us are perfect, everyone is allowed to fail, and we love each other regardless. My church/these folks are where I want to 'build my nest,' which shows me that the kingdom is here, in Laramie. Realizing all of this didn't necessarily wipe away all the sadness, but it did make me more thankful. It was a kind and subtle reality check from the Father: "What do you think you are doing right now?? Contributing to the kingdom!"

The second way it made me think about my church family was to continue asking the question: Are we a place where people want to 'build a nest'? Are we a place of refuge and safety? Am I? How can I be more so? This is a practical question to ask in the face of a painful and worrisome world. Having this practical question to think and pray over gives me direction and therefore increases my hope. Per usual, Jesus didn't give a straight-forward answer, but pointed me towards my own heart and motives. (Sometimes I wish the answer was just 42.) 

Reality of Risk

Instructor 'Near Miss'

Technically in the world of outdoor risk management, a ‘near miss’ means that no one was hurt or injured, but someone very easily could have been. (An example would be a rock whizzing by but not actually hitting anyone.) However, for the purposes of this news, I’m calling this situation a near miss because it could have been so much worse. 

Kevin Keckeisen took a lead fall while rock climbing. [There is a lot of technical jargon in rock climbing, but I will try to explain in layman’s terms.] As he was climbing, he put gear into the rock as an ‘anchor’ and then clipped his rope to the piece of gear. As you climb this way (called traditional climbing), you place more gear as you ascend, clipping your rope to it each time. Kevin had placed two pieces when he fell. One of the pieces came out, meaning he fell further. He did not hit the ground, but slammed into the rock face. He broke one ankle, and several bones in his other foot. He had to have surgery, and is now in recovery mode back home. 

It was an intense experience for Kevin, and his climbing partner, Matt, who had to carry him out to the vehicle. I met them at urgent care, and Kevin stayed with Tim and I for a few days before he got his travel arranged. I bring it up for several reasons. 1) This is one of the responsibilities that I carry at SROM- to help when it is needed. 2) Kevin was seriously injured, but it could have been much much worse. The situation highlights both the risk involved in outdoor pursuits, and the faithfulness of the Lord to protect. 

Reality of Risk

I work quite a bit with risk management here at SROM. Statistically speaking, SROM’s track record of relative safety (no deaths or life-altering injuries) does not make sense. After over 30 years in the industry, we ‘should’ have had this sort of crisis. Administratively we train for these types of events and crises, but we have not had to utilize this training. This is a miracle! We are a statistical anomaly. Although we train our staff, study risk management, strive for excellent administrative decisions, etc., etc., etc., ultimately I attribute our safety record to the Lord and to all the praying people behind this ministry. 

I could decide (or SROM could decide) that these activities are not worth the risk. I could decide to never go rock climbing or mountaineering again—but is that reasonable? Yes, there are risks involved, but it is far more dangerous for me to get in my car and drive to Colorado to see family. Kevin’s accident reminds me to be sober, to consider my actions, and to thank the Lord for each day that I have. It also reminds me of a quote on a card that my mom sent me years ago: 

“The person who risks nothing does nothing, has nothing, is nothing, and becomes nothing. He may avoid suffering and sorrow, but he simply cannot learn and feel and change and grow and love and live.” (Leo Buscaglia)

Breaking Off Perfection

I was told a long time ago that running wasn’t a good long-term sport/activity for me because of my knees. Because of that I’ve never been much of a runner, and anything longer distance was never in the realm of possibility. However, through persuasion from my friend Daria, and helpful insights regarding my knee from my friend Brittany (who is a physical therapy assistant), I have decided to train for a half-marathon.

I am staunch anti-morning when it comes to almost anything, coffee being an exception. Exercise in the morning literally feels insurmountable. As such, I have been trying to train in the evening. However, one fateful Wednesday several weeks ago the universe and schedules aligned such that a morning run was due. My alarm went off… for about 20 minutes… when I had concluded that this simply wasn’t going to happen. (At this point, I was so late…). Sometime in there Tim grumbled to me, “Well, are you going?” And somehow in the grumpiness and the fog, a thought came to me, “Something is better than nothing.”

It’s true that I didn’t have enough time for my run, a core workout, and my knee exercises. However, I did have time to get part of that done. For some reason that thought, “Something is better than nothing” motivated me to get out of bed (truly extraordinary).

The thought has also begun translating to other parts of my life, and I believe that the Lord is trying to break off my perfectionism. I am so often such a perfectionist that it paralyzes me: “If I can’t do it right, why do it at all?” It's embarrassing to admit how much this can bleed into my entire life. I won’t buy running shorts, because I’m afraid I’ll make a poor decision or not get the best deal. I won’t write that card to a friend because I don’t have time to come up with the perfect words. I won’t open my devotional because I’m not sure if the Lord is really leading me to that devotional. Would He rather I just pray with Him?

My mind understands that this attitude is obviously not helpful—shorts that aren’t the best deal are still better than no shorts at all. I can also logically tell you that this brings no glory to the Father (It brings worry instead of peace, it keeps me from sharing love with others, it keeps me from pursuing Him, etc.). I also experientially know the release that comes when I give it all up to Him and His peace washes over me. But in my daily rhythms of life and my daily rhythms of being—getting things right often takes precedence. I’m a perfectionist even when I don’t want to be! I’m reminded of the verses in Romans, “The thing that I don’t want to do, I do. The thing that I want to do, I don’t.” (Rom 7:15 paraphrase).

So, again, I come back to the thought, “Something is better than nothing.” At least for now, when I catch myself getting in the unhealthy perfectionist cycle, it’s a mantra I can repeat to myself. It’s better to write SOMETHING to that friend, even if I stumble over my words. It’s better to open up my Bible even if I don’t have time to read the whole chapter. It’s better that I do SOME running/training. And as the days pass and I continue to be faithful with what I can do and what I can give, the impacts become apparent: a friendship better cultivated (more joy, more connection, etc.), a run that’s a little bit easier, and greater peace in my heart and soul from that time I spent with Him. 

*As an ironic side note, I really want to sit here and edit this and perhaps add a little. But I'm not going to...I'm going to post it. 

**Matthew 5:48 does state, "You therefore must be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect." I just want to say for the record, that I don't think Jesus is talking about picking out the perfect pair of shorts. This is at the end of some of the most well-known scripture, the Sermon on the Mount. To quote a commentary, if someone followed the guidance in these passages s/he would:

1. Never hate, slander or speak evil of another person
2. Never lust in his heart or mind, and not covet anything
3. Never make a false oath, and always be completely truthful
4. Let God defend his/her personal rights, and not take it upon him/herself to defend those rights
5. Always love his/her neighbors, and even his/her enemies

Sounds pretty great to me.. pretty perfect, really.